Imagethief

As a recovering barbarian -- "Hi, my name is Kaiser, and I'm a mauradaholic. I haven't pillaged a village now in 5 years" -- I'm so with you on this.

As the priest said to Conan, "You think steel is power?  Flesh! Now, THAT is true power."  (Or something like that since I haven't watched it in over 10 years.)

I am fighting hard to crush my enemies, but it is hard to do when you need to see your kids before they go to sleep.

Welcome to my world, buddy.

but...if you simply change the last word from "women' to 'siblings', Conan's first answer is identical to that of your pre-school age children when posed the same question.

The barbarian gene is strong.

A few weeks away from giving birth to my third, I just had to send the other two to neutral corners after a raging battle brought on by Island Princess Barbie's decapitation via the rail of a bamboo rocking horse...and my little conans are both female!

Will...if you are missing warrior-like responses at all, suggest another baby to your wife about now.

You know, speaking of the precious tinkle of your children's laughter, I have to say that sometimes I'm glad I'm on this crazy weight-loss diet that involves three or more "shakes" made using the blender.

Non sequitur, you say?  Well, consider that while the blender is running, it's impossible to hear the screeching, whining, tattling, belly-aching, or tantrum-throwing of my children.  No, when that blender is running, the din of the children blissfully fades away, and I have my mind to myself for a few precious seconds.

I *miss* my mind.  I used to like it quite a bit, and I recall being prouder of it than I probably should have been.  But it's mostly gone now.  My children relentlessly, tenaciously, unceasingly, and enthusiastically attempt to wrest it away from me at nearly every opportunity.

And *they succeed*.

"Daaaaad, my brother said 'pooooooo'!  Daaaad, he's not shaaaaaaringggg!  Daaaaad, can I go to the bathrooooooom?  Whyyyyyyyyy?  Why nooooooooot?  Daaaaad, he won't give me the remooooote!  It's myyy tuuuuuuuuurnnn!  NOOOOOO!"  <WHHIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...> .oO(I can't heeeeear youuuuuu.  Ahhh, happy place.)  ^_^

But, yeah, OK, there are moments here & there where their laughter is one of the sweetest sounds there is.

"You killed my muthah!  You killed my fathah!  You killed my peeple!"

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It begs to be done:

Conan the Barbarian, age 60

Mongol General

Conan! What is best in life?

Conan

To urinate without taking fifteen minutes about it. To have your kids come around when it isn't a national holiday. To _not_ hear the constant lamentations of your wife...

Mongol General

*pauses, frowning* Ah! I see the mistake! Your name card says "Cohen the Librarian"!

With apologies to Terry Pratchett.

Yeah, man! I am singing the same "parenting near age 40 blues".

I used to be "the last of the Red Hot Mamas". Nowadays I am just a mama with hot flashes?

It is good stuff, though.

Conan to 5 year old son...

"You clean your room right this minute or you're going to be contemplating a time out upon the Tree of Woe young man!"