Beijing residents may know that a few weeks ago there was something of a rough spell for local English language magazines. The local version of entertainment magazine Time Out was shut down at least temporarily for mysterious reasons. Also, the publishers of That's Beijing yanked the trademark away from True Run Media, who had actually managed the mag for several years, forcing True Run to issue under a new title, "The Beijinger".

Imagethief has seen the most recent issue of The Beijinger and can report that it is the old That's Beijing in all but title. I also just got my hands on a copy of the new That's Beijing, which was floating around the office last week. Having had a chance to flip through it, I think I can safely say, WTF!?

Before I proceed further, I want to offer my condolences in advance to any members of the new That's Beijing editorial team who may be Imagethief readers. I'm sure you're all good people, and it's not my intention to insult or discourage you with what is to follow. Perhaps there is better to come in future issues, but you are all for the moment trapped in magazine hell.

So, how is it? It's Chinglish monthly, and much expense appears to have been spared on copy editing. It has amateurish layout and design, to the point of occasional unreadability. It's lifeless and sports a gloomy, stark cover that says nothing about what is in the magazine. (The cover relates to an article on the Wenchuan earthquake. This may explain the stark design, but if so it comes a bit late and is a strange approach for an expat entertainment magazine). The back page is a grade school crossword puzzle. There may be something of value in the magazine, but you have to wade through the desert to get to it.

Perhaps the best way I can capture the feel of the new That's Beijing is to reproduce in full a one-page un-bylined article that appears on page 106 (there is no website for me to point you to -- yes, I transcribed it by hand as a service to you, the reader). It generated some derision among my foreign colleagues last week. Read it and draw your own conclusions:

The shower: Conversation between American guy and Chinese girl

Q. Why don't Western people take showers at night?

A. Some do. Especially after moving to Beijing. There's no doubt it makes sense to shower before hitting the sheets. But many Westerners, before coming to Beijing, lived relatively comfortable lives, with an air conditioned home, car and office, and no sweat or stench at the end of the day. Another way some westerners manage their stench is through creams, powders and deodorants, which all work to limit perspiration and odor. When clothes or bed sheets get too dirty, the washing machine and drying machine makes every thing as good as new in just a couple of hours. It is easy to see why with this sort of day-to-day routine the nightly shower might drop out of the picture.

Q. But now that my boyfriend is in Beijing, shouldn't he shower before sleeping? There's lots of pollution here.

A. The simple answer is yes, he probably should. But old habits die hard. After doing things his own way for 20 to 30 years, he's bound to have formed his own patterns and habits about sleeping, waking up and cleaning his body. Many Westerners sweat a lot during the night and so require a shower in the morning if they want to look presentable. Differences in hair and skin call for different patters of care. Imagine how you'd feel if you suddenly gave up your nightly shower. You might find it harder to go to sleep. Many Westerners rely on their morning shower to start their day, and a shower at night throws that immune system out of balance.

Q. Why don't Chinese people shower in the morning?

A. Some do. Especially if they have a skin and body type that sweats during the night, or hair type that requires special care or conditioners. Otherwise, it's not uncommon for many of the people you work with to fall out of bed and drag combs across their heads on their way to the bus. This makes even more sense when you remember that it was just eight hours or so previously that they took a shower, followed by a good night's sleep in a clean bed. So what is there to clean?

Q. Why do Chinese people insist that I shower at night?

A. Because 1) they are concerned about your health, and 2) they think you're totally disgusting for not doing it. If you were dating someone who never, ever brushed their teeth, would you kiss them?

Well, that presupposes that I would date someone who never, ever brushed their teeth, which seems unlikely. But, more to the point, "Another way some westerners manage their stench..."? This is a magazine that's looking to electrify the expat population? Well, it's going to accomplish that all right.

I am trying to understand the strategy behind the creation of the new That's Beijing. It appears to be the following: Seize the trademark, throw together a makeshift staff and publish a rushed, unreadable issue just in time for hundreds of thousands of Olympic visitors to arrive and be utterly appalled by it. Gnash teeth as few remaining advertisers flee. Maybe there is a longer term plan to grow it into a better product. After all, there may be a hole in the market depending on whether Time Out is revived or not. If so, good luck with that. My advice: Don't exercise the stock options just yet.

Imagethief will be paging furtively through future issues of the new That's Beijing in the musty corners of SPR Coffee shops in search of further examples of crackling prose. Or, then again, maybe not.

Disclosure:

Imagethief is friends with several people at True Run and has written regularly for them over the past two or three years. Obviously, I'm partial in the battle between The Beijinger and the new That's Beijing. But, trust me, my allegiance hasn't influenced this assessment unduly.

That's Beijing July 2008 cover 

Coming for this magazine, is he then?