Imagethief was fascinated to stumble across an article on Xinhua this morning covering the development of technology here in China to enable blind men to surf the Internet (the article was specific about men) . The odd gender-emphasis aside, this is noble and right, and deserves to be applauded, even if it has been done before elsewhere:
Technology available for blind men to surf internet

A blind man named Tong Feng, like many other Chinese, has taken on the hobby of surfing the Internet in east China's Hangzhou, the capital city of Zhejiang Province.

A local media outlet reports on the 37-year-old man who suffered an illness at an early age causing blindness.

Now, with the help of a voice assistance system on his computer, he can listen to his favorite news programs, type letters, send and receive e-mails, and chat online.

With the system, when Tong Feng touches the screen with his mouse pointer, it can read the text and he is able to listen it.
In light of some other things I have read recently, I am wondering if this technology really serves the needs of China's visually impaired to the fullest possible extent. For instance, in this morning's post about Internet content laws, I noted a China Daily report that said almost 70% of the tips coming into China's Illegal Information Reporting Center are p*rn related.

If I (with no basis in academic rigor) take that as a proxy for the overall popularity of Internet p*rn in China, it would seem that the Chinese are as sex-crazed as us decadent Westerners. Globally, it's clear that p*rn related searches are still a big part of all search engine traffic. Why should China be different? Certainly Imagethief has little doubt that much Chinese web surfing is p*rn motivated, if for no other reason than that the same China Daily article also covers the demographics of China's web surfers, who are overwhelmingly teenage boys and young men in the prime of their dateless, hormone-drenched lives. Honestly, do the math.

Now, if blind men are surfing the net in China or elsewhere, isn't it reasonable to assume that their motivations are similar to the population at large? Unless blind men are somehow intrinsically more saintly than the rest of us, I should think so. And yet, Imagethief can not, for the life of him, understand how a system that simply reads the text off of web pages could be satisfying for your p*rn-seeking blind man. All you'd ever get is the photo captions and file name. Imagine a cold, synthetic voice saying, in robotic monotone:

"File busty852.jpg. H**ters galore in this epic photo of a vodka-fuelled Swedish sorority hot-tub party!"

Well, that's just a tease with no payoff for a blind man, no matter how good his imagination is. It's a half-assed solution in an age that demands well-considered, whole-ass solutions to complex problems. So Imagethief has two suggestions, both of which should be trivial for a nation with China's rich pool of engineering talent to implement.

My first suggestion is to combine the text-reading system with an image analysis program that could describe in detail the photo that is being displayed. Then, after getting the caption, you could actually hear something like:

"The photo is of a gorgeous, naked redhead with a seductive pout. One hand beckons to you, while the other is on her..." Well, you get the idea. The voice might still be cold and robotic, but at least a blind web-surfer would have enough information to imagine the scene. Perhaps the level of descriptive detail could even be customized to suit individual tastes. A handy USB slider control would do the job, extending from chaste hints at the lowest setting to disgustingly anatomical and fluid obsessed detail at the most explicit. While not quite the same payoff as someone with normal eyesight might get, it is one step closer.

Ahh, but the mark of genius is to be willing to push just that little bit further in the quest for a solution. And Imagethief is a champion pusher. It is no secret that China has a thriving and well developed sex toy industry, covered by Imagethief here, and in somewhat more scholarly form by The Economist here. Combine that industry with China's well known electrical and software engineering talent and you begin to see where new possibilities could open up.

Animatronic and motion control technology are both well understood and regularly used by Hollywood to create lifelike imaginary creatures and complex, repeatable motions. I see no reason why such technologies couldn't be, er, mated with China's world-beating inflatable woman industry and common image analysis software technology to develop a system that could recreate in life-size, tactile 3D any explicit photograph that was downloaded for viewing. A system of pneumatic and hydraulic controls could account for various physiological differences. Heck, one extra piston and you can add men to the scene, too. As we are dealing with a blind audience, hair, eye and skin color are irrelevant. Hair length may be an issue, but I am sure a variation on the "Magic Hair Fairytale Princess Dora" doll technology would suffice. And it could even account for different, ahem, nether-styles, such as aerodynamic Brazilian waxes vs. the au naturel look that was in favor at my old university (I went to some crazy parties in those days).

Obviously different budgets could cater for different numbers of figures in each recreation, from tasteful solo poses (covering your standard magazine-style shoots) to the Swedish hot-tub debauch cited above (furniture recreation might be a problem; let me work on that a while). Celebrity pre-sets could quickly respond to keywords such as "Paris Hilt*n" or "Tang Jiali". I do draw the line at including animals. There is simply too much potential variety to account for it mechanically and, heck, that's a niche market anyway. So to speak.

With such a system at his disposal, no visually impaired man need ever feel like they have missed the chuggin' Internet p*rn-train again. Simply arrange Dia-P*rno-Rama(TM) in your living room, den or bedroom (wherever your computer is), install the software, connect the included cable to your USB port, and you're ready to go. Call up the saucy image of your choice, wait a moment for the Dia-P*rno-Rama to rearrange itself, and then wade on in for a titillating, tactile Internet p*rn experience. (Caution: this is an electrical appliance. Use of conductive lubricants is discouraged.)

Now I am sure that such a system would be expensive, but if there is one thing that can be counted upon in today's socially conscientious, politically correct world, it is that there will be generous government subsidy to ensure equal access to the disabled. Why should Internet p*rn be any different? I am sure a lawsuit or two, judiciously applied, could free up the necessary funding to render these systems affordable to deserving individuals, community centers, disabled support groups and so on. And the beauty of this is that, with minor enhancements to account for the skin, eye and hair color problem cited above (think fiberoptics), the system could also be sold to wealthy but socially hopeless types, thus further subsidizing disabled access.

In the interests of the advancement of civil society, I hereby donate this idea to the public domain. Consider this part of Imagethief's corporate social responsibility. I expect no remuneration. Only that the Nobel Committee bears in mind my selfless dedication to the betterment of all mankind.

Note: Imagethief in no way means to trivialize the hardship of being blind. He only means to trivialize Internet p*rn. He is, however, cynically appropriating blind, Chinese men for that purpose.